When we think about handling life’s struggles or challenges, we often hear things like “stay positive” or “just change your thinking.” But if that approach of changing what we think and feel worked and it was simply a matter of putting in the effort, we’d all be masters of our internal world and happily moving through our days without worry or stress, right?
And yet, despite having more psychological tools and therapies available than ever, mental health struggles are only growing in intensity and prevalence! This tells us something crucial: maybe it’s time to take a closer look at what truly helps and what doesn’t. We need a flexible approach that’s willing to go beyond the usual “stay positive” and “change your thinking” advice.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT (said as the word act, not a.c.t), offers something radically different to the other methods out there that also has thousands of studies backing its effectiveness!
The basic idea is this: Instead of trying to force away unwanted thoughts or emotions, ACT helps us develop a healthier, more flexible relationship with them. It’s about looking at your thoughts, not through them. It’s about being open to all experiences, the pleasant and unpleasant, finding out what matters to you, and then taking action to live the kind of life you want and be the person you want to be.
So to explain ACT a bit more, here is how it works and what to expect!
What Is ACT?
ACT is part of a broader movement in psychology called Process-Based Therapy (PBT), which is grounded in research and backed by many studies (and rapidly growing). ACT moves away from rigid labels of mental health issues and “one-size-fits-all” solutions, instead focusing on key psychological skills that help you adapt and live well and utilises an action oriented approach.
At the heart of ACT is something called psychological flexibility – the ability to stay open, be present, and take actions that align with your values, even when things get tough.
The core idea behind ACT is that life’s painful experiences and emotions are actually normal. We all have them; it’s part of being human (and yes, it really sucks sometimes). Live long enough and you will encounter challenges and pain.
But where we often get tangled up and stuck is when we start fighting these thoughts and feelings that show up and respond to them ineffectively, letting them control our behaviour and choices.
READ MORE: Why Are Our Minds So Negative?
ACT looks at this struggle and says, What if we didn’t need to fight? What if the fighting and struggle is actually what gets us stuck and compounds the suffering?
Imagine trying to hold a beach ball underwater. That’s what we often try to do with our difficult thoughts and feelings. We run, hide or fight with them. We don’t want them after all, they hurt! We want them GONE!
But it’s tiring, and eventually, that ball is going to pop back up. Try it for yourself by deleting a painful memory, not thinking about something, or making your leg go instantly numb. Can you do it? Mostly not, and even if we can do it, it takes a lot of energy!
So in ACT, instead of wrestling with these “beach balls” of difficult thoughts and feelings, we’re invited to bring them along, even if they’re uncomfortable. We learn to let them bob next to us, rather than struggling with them by pushing them under. Once we learn how to do it, it’s much easier to do the things we really want to do and be the kind of person we want to be.
How ACT Works In Practice
Since ACT is one of the main approaches I use in my mental health coaching, now is a good chance to explain what we might actually do in session!
At its heart, ACT is active and practical.
Instead of getting caught up in endless loops and analysis paralysis by asking some version of why, we try things out in session and work experientially to change things right now. So instead of just talking about problems, we work on skills and strategies to make things better!
And because of the coaching angle I use, it means we also will focus on what you will find useful for your life and situation. It’s normal to not know that sometimes, so we have tools and methods to help you clarify what will actually make a difference in your life!
There will be lots of exercises, metaphors, and skills we try out in session, always working on your agenda and with what will be useful to you.
It’s like you learn to become the driver of the bus of your life, with the passengers on board being all those difficult thoughts and feelings. They may try to tell you to change the course and cause a racket in the back trying to get your attention, but you remain in the driver’s seat of your life and can choose where to drive.
Learning to take action, even when our minds say unhelpful things, is a skill set anyone can learn. Like if you want to open up more in a new relationship, or make friends, or start a hobby or new job, your mind might try to get in the way and be unhelpful. Here, we try it out in session. Can we hold these thoughts lightly AND take control of our body and keep moving at the same time? We will try it out!
As human beings, we often learn from doing much more than reading or intellectualising about it. Did you learn to drive a car or ride a bike by only reading or talking about it? Or did you learn experientially by doing it?
This is what it’s all about- learning to do!
Living by Your Values- Finding Your "Why"
Another cornerstone of ACT is getting clear on what matters most to you- your values. Values are like a compass. They give us direction, even in stormy weather of life.
For instance, someone might value connection and kindness, so if they are living by their values they’ll prioritise quality time with friends, family or lending a hand, even when life gets busy or difficult things show up.
In sessions, we’ll identify your values, which give purpose and meaning to your actions.
Living by our values isn’t always easy, especially when struggles, discomfort or self-doubt are present. But when we’re clear on what matters to us, we’re more willing to do the hard stuff because it’s connected to something important.
It’s often been summed up this way: when we have a why we can bear any how.
And while it’s great to know your values, that’s not enough! We also need to act on them as well! That’s where we help you commit to taking action, making behavioural changes that take you towards the kind of life you want and the person you want to be. You’ll learn to take action!
ACT - A Lasting Shift
ACT isn’t about quick fixes that don’t stick long term, or about being passive in life and accepting everything as is; it’s about building skills to handle life’s ups and downs with openness and purpose and committing to actions that improve your life. By learning to let thoughts and feelings coexist without controlling you, ACT helps you live more fully and stay true to what matters most.
Another way i like to explain it is this way using an old saying:
If someone’s hungry and you give them a fish they’re fed for a day. But if you teach them to fish they are fed for life.
And life is an endless series of experiences, both good and bad. ACT doesn’t promise to remove the bad and only feel the good – instead, it offers a way to embrace life fully, with all its complexity.
So by using ACT, we can be psychologically flexible and learn a way to live a rich, fulfilling and meaningful life despite all the challenges we may face!
Ready to get started? With mental health coaching we help you learn psychological flexibility for the things that you struggle with, and then empower you to pivot to live a life that matters to you! We don’t just talk about it- we actively do it! Look for the button below to schedule your free consultation phone call!
