Have you ever tried to fall asleep, but your mind just wouldn’t shut off? There you are, laying in bed and replaying the day’s events, stressing about tomorrow, or worrying about a struggle in your life. If I told you to just “stop thinking about it,” would that work for you? For almost all of us, the answer is no. Just like we can’t instantly feel happy, sad or in love on command, we can’t directly control every aspect of our mental state.
In the world of mental health and well-being, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT, pronounced as the word “act”) offers an evidence based approach for mental fitness that has thousands of studies to back its effectiveness.
In all this research and experience, we have found that our minds, much like our bodies, have parts that we can’t always control. You wouldn’t blame yourself for a sneeze or a hiccup, right? In the same way, our minds often serve up thoughts, feelings, urges, sensations and memories that we didn’t ask for- and that’s perfectly normal and natural- it’s how our minds have developed and evolved!
But here’s where many of us get stuck: we try to run away, hide or fight these uninvited mental guests. We’ve been taught to push away negative thoughts, to try and control feelings like sadness or anxiety, and to ignore or suppress uncomfortable memories. These have often been seen as ‘problems that need fixing’ or that things are broken within us.
But we’ve gotten it all wrong! It’s not just the difficult internal experiences that are the issue, rather it’s how we RESPOND to them. Or in other words- its our struggle with them that causes so much pain and hurt.
This struggle can make our lives feel smaller, as if we’re boxed in by our own attempts to control the uncontrollable. We lose sight of all the things that really matter to us, and get caught up, entangled, and hooked on what our mind says.
So what if instead we learned to move WITH our mental experiences rather than against them? What would happen?
Introducing Psychological Flexibility!
At the core of ACT is the concept of Psychological Flexibility. This set of processes and skills helps us navigate our inner experiences with more ease and less struggle, allowing us to live fuller, more meaningful lives.
Psychological flexibility is something we can practice cultivating which will help us develop a flexible, antifragile mindset. It’s much like when we go to the gym to train our bodies- we can train these skills and processes. And just like at the gym, when we practice we don’t just talk about it- we actively do it through experiential practice! This means trying things out and interacting with our internal experiences in new ways.
And everything in our life- from the quality and outcomes of relationships, our enjoyment of our work, how we maintain and care for our bodies, how we regulate and act on our emotions, and how we handle stress and setbacks- is all linked to psychological flexibility! The very trajectory of our lives is directly affected by these skills!
So what does Psychological Flexibility consist of? Here’s a quick explanation to the core processes involved:
Getting in Touch With the Present Moment: Learning to connect yourself in the now can help you engage more fully with life, appreciate all the moments, and make choices that align with your values, as well as not get caught up in all the stuff your mind says.
Defusing From Thoughts: Our thoughts can sometimes feel overwhelming, as if they’re the absolute truth. Defusion teaches us to take a step back, to see our thoughts as just thoughts, mere language and mental experiences- not commands, rules or facts. This creates space between us and our reactions, giving us the freedom to choose how we want to respond.
Opening Up to Our Inner Experience: Struggling against our feelings can be like fighting quicksand – the harder we fight, the deeper we sink. Opening up involves allowing ourselves to feel what we’re feeling, recognizing that all emotions are part of the human experience. This doesn’t mean giving up, but rather making peace with our inner world and seeing it as one part of our lives.
Self as Context: You are not your thoughts, feelings, or experiences, they are just one part of you, there’s also a part of you that notices all these experiences at the same time. This skill helps us recognize that we are the context in which these phenomena occur. It’s about seeing ourselves as the sky, with thoughts and feelings passing through like weather – ever-changing, but not defining us.
Clarifying What is Most Valuable: What truly matters to you? Identifying our values gives us direction and purpose. It helps us understand what kind of life we want to lead and what kind of person we want to be. It’s the thing that gives our life meaning, and when we lose sight of them, we often end up suffering unnecessarily.
Committing to Action: Knowing our values is one thing; living them is another. This skill focuses on taking concrete steps towards living in accordance with our values, even in the face of difficult thoughts and feelings. It’s about doing what matters to us, one step at a time.
Ready to get started with ACT?
Life is an endless series of experiences, both good and bad. ACT doesn’t promise to remove the bad and only feel the good – instead, it offers a way to embrace life fully, with all its complexity.
Using ACT, we can be psychologically flexible and learn a way to live a rich, fulfilling and meaningful life, with all its complexity. We can develop Psychological Flexibility with practice which means we can stop the exhausting struggle with our inner experiences and start moving towards what truly enriches our lives.
Ready to embark on this journey with supported guidance? With mental health coaching we help you learn psychological flexibility for the things that you struggle with, and then empower you to pivot to live a life that matters to you. We don’t just talk about it- we actively do it! Look for the button below to schedule your free discovery phone call!
Want to read more on ACT and do a deep dive? Check out this article by Dr Russ Harris.
