Seeing a family member or friend struggle with their mental health can be challenging and heart-wrenching. I’ve been there myself and on both sides of the fence before I started my role as a Mental Health Coach. You want to help, but sometimes it’s hard to know what to say or do. But encouraging them to seek support can be one of the most loving and impactful things you can do.
To make this process as easy as possible, here are some tips on how you can help someone you care about take that crucial first step towards getting the support they need.
Important: This blog post does not cover information for someone in crisis. Please call 111 if you require assistance for an urgent situation.
The Importance of Mental Health Support
Mental health is just as crucial as physical health, and seeking support can make a significant difference in a person’s life. It has long been known that our mind and body are connected in ways that influence each other, a perfect example being that of stress and immune function for example. But we often forget that our very existence is mediated through our minds- we experience life with our minds and where we go our minds follow, and where our mind goes, we also follow.
So here are some of the reasons why mental health support is so important:
Improve Well-Being: Professional support helps individuals manage their emotions, reduce stress, and improve their overall well-being. Just like regular exercise keeps the body fit, mental health support keeps the mind healthy, and therefore, our lives are fulfilling and meaningful. When people feel mentally well, they can navigate life’s ups and downs with more resilience and grace, something we like to call psychological flexibility.
Enhance Relationships: Addressing mental health issues can lead to healthier relationships by improving communication and reducing conflicts. When someone understands their own emotions and reactions better, they can connect more deeply and honestly with others. This improvement can positively affect friendships, family dynamics, and romantic partnerships. We underestimate how important an understanding of ourselves is to understanding others.
Increase Productivity: Better mental health can enhance focus, productivity, and performance in both personal and professional life. When people aren’t weighed down by mental health struggles, they can concentrate better, make more thoughtful decisions, and engage more fully in their work and activities. This boost can lead to greater satisfaction and success in various areas of life.
Prevent Escalation: Early intervention can prevent mental health issues from worsening, reducing the risk of severe conditions like persistent depression or anxiety. Just like addressing physical issues early can prevent complications, looking at and helping with mental health concerns early on can stop them from becoming more serious. This proactive approach can save a lot of pain and struggle down the line.
Promote Personal Growth: Mental health support can help individuals understand themselves better, fostering personal growth and self-awareness. Through coaching or therapy, people can uncover patterns in their behaviour, learn new coping strategies and skills, and set meaningful goals. This journey of self-discovery can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life, where individuals feel more in control and at peace with themselves.
Why Do People Not Seek Mental Health Support?
Despite its importance, many people hesitate to seek help for various reasons:
Stigma: Fear of being judged or labelled can prevent people from reaching out for help. Mental health issues are often misunderstood, and individuals might worry about being seen as weak or unstable. This stigma can be deeply ingrained, influenced by cultural, social, and familial beliefs. Overcoming this barrier involves changing societal attitudes and encouraging open, honest conversations about mental health. Remember: people with mental health issues are not broken, sick or defective.
Denial: Some people may not recognise the severity of their issues or may believe they can handle it on their own. This denial can stem from a reluctance to admit vulnerability or a belief that their struggles aren’t significant enough to warrant professional help. Additionally, some people may be unaware of the signs and symptoms of mental health issues, mistaking them for temporary stress or fatigue. It often creeps up on people, and life slowly degrades and the true impact is not recognisable immediately.
Fear of the Unknown: Uncertainty about the process and outcomes of seeking help can create apprehension. Many people are unfamiliar with what it entails and may fear that it will be uncomfortable, ineffective, or lead to unwanted changes in their lives. This is normal and natural, my mind says the same thing when I try new things, it’s to be expected that we are fearful and uncertain about the outcomes.
Cost Concerns: Worries about the financial cost can be a significant barrier. Mental health services can be expensive, and not everyone has the financial means to afford it, and the free services that do exist are often overworked, burnt out or have long waiting lists leading to ineffective help at times. This concern is exacerbated by the misconception that coaching or therapy must be long-term to be effective. Models like Focused Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (FACT), which I have trained in, are designed to impart a significant amount of influence to outcomes in very short timeframes (1-3 sessions).
Lack of Awareness: Some people may not know where to find help or what resources are available. They might be unaware of the different types of mental health professionals, such as therapists, counsellors, and coaches, and the various approaches they all use. This lack of awareness can leave people feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.
Cultural and Social Factors: Cultural and social backgrounds can influence attitudes towards mental health. In some cultures, discussing mental health issues is taboo, and seeking help may be seen as a sign of weakness or dishonour. Social expectations and norms can also play a role, with some communities placing a higher value on self-reliance.
Previous Negative Experiences: Past experiences with mental health services can affect a person’s willingness to seek help again. If someone has had a negative or unhelpful experience, they may be reluctant to try again. This can create a barrier to seeking support, even if they recognize the need for it. Finding the right fit and style is important. That’s why I always opt for a short phone call before working with someone to go over how we work together and what they can expect. If we aren’t a good fit, I can help them navigate what all the different mental health roles are so they can make an informed decision on what they would like to do.
Perceived Lack of Time: Many people feel they don’t have the time to commit to regular sessions. Busy schedules, work commitments, and family responsibilities can make it seem impossible to carve out time for mental health care. This perception can lead to prioritising other obligations over seeking help. With many professionals, including myself, we are now using online options for sessions, and this makes it easier to manage time. And as a bonus, some like myself also offer after hours time slots to fit in with general working schedules.
Understanding some of the barriers above is the first step in addressing them. By recognising and empathising with these challenges, you can better support someone in overcoming them and taking that crucial first step towards mental health support.
How Do You Get Someone to Seek Support?
Helping someone you care about take the first step towards seeking mental health support requires sensitivity, understanding, and a strategic approach. It’s not easy, and we need to remember that each person is their own individual who will make their own choices. You cannot force someone to seek help (under 18 years old and someone in crisis is a different matter and not covered here- call 111 for immediate assistance if you think it is required).
Here are some practical steps to guide you:
Time Your Conversation Appropriately: Before discussing mental health care, choose the right moment and setting. Avoid initiating the conversation when they are stressed, busy, or in a bad mood. Opt for a private, calm, and relaxed environment where they feel safe and respected.
Show Empathy and Understanding: Listen actively and validate their feelings without judgement. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel the way they do, which can help them feel understood and supported. This can be hard when we are emotionally wrapped up in the moment or relationship- but it’s important to be calm on the outside and non judgemental in our language. So normalise and validate frequently, it’s normal and ok to be affected by tough times or to feel and think what they may be thinking and feeling. This is part of being human, and we may disconnect from coping skills we know (or may have never learnt) to manage the difficult experience.
Provide Clear and Relatable Information: Explain what seeking help entails and what they can expect from the process- you finding out about this can help you convey this information effectively. Share stories of others who have benefited from professional support to make it more relatable and less intimidating.
Focus on Values and Goals: Help them clarify what’s important to them and how seeking help aligns with their values. Gently remind them that taking this step is a way of honouring what they value most in life, whether it’s improving their well-being, relationships, or achieving personal goals. When we are in mental health struggles, we often lose sight of what matters in our life and connecting the two together, the pain and the values, allows us to see how seeking help could make life better.
Offer Unconditional Support: Due to the stigma surrounding mental health, it’s vital to offer unconditional support so they know you truly care about their well-being. Approach them with empathy rather than judgement. Avoid patronising language and harmful labels. Use empowering words and be attentive to their opinions and concerns. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, such as, “I feel concerned for you when I see you like this. I’m hopeful we can come up with a way to help you.”
Prepare for Resistance or Obstacles: Anticipate potential resistance and be prepared with thoughtful responses. If they are not ready to receive help, keep the conversation open. Highlight their positive characteristics to motivate them. Be ready to help them navigate obstacles like limited mobility, lack of transportation, or scheduling conflicts. Show them they are surrounded by genuine support and are not alone.
Conclusion
By combining these strategies, you can create a supportive environment that encourages your loved one to take that crucial first step towards seeking mental health support. Your empathy, understanding, and practical assistance can make a significant difference in their willingness to reach out for help.
Above all, be patient and remain supportive of the person. They may not want help right now, but there are many ways you can still help them and be there for them. In a future follow up blog post I will cover these.
